Sooo lonely…

 

Lately I feel so lonely, that I just can’t find a way out of this black hole. I’ve been searching for love, and right after I’ve decided I finally found it, it just gets rid of me, it slippes through my fingers, and goes on without me! Just passing by to say “hi”… and that hurts. I always fall in love with some idiots who are searching for nothing serious, however one of the guys I’ve fallen in love with(as I now realise) has actually been the only one searching for a true relationship - my ex-boyfriend. I dissagree with his methods of giving some fresh air into a relationship, however the fact he wanted to do so is very interesting thing. Now after the consecutive dissapointment I sit here in my room, lonlier than ever, and I that the relationship with my ex, is actually the  strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. You would probably ask what my problem is? I cannot fully trust people, I just can not let myself being loved, I just can not believe someone can really love me and be faithful to me, I don’t believe it any more. If love is such a great feeling that beats everything, where is that love? I have never seen it? I don’t know it! I’m searching for it, okay what was the saying “those who search find” , but I didn’t. I see many examples of couples who just get pissed off by each other after a while, and they’re unfaithful, guys are liers, they never say the truth and there’s no way to find out are they faithful to you or not. And do they really like me? Why? What do they like in me?  They never say anything specific, just they like me, “love is blind” , perhaps that’s why it can’t see my desperate efforts to find it. Perhaps I’ve overreacted to the need for love, perhaps I just don’t need it any more, however the more I think about it the lonlier I feel. I cannot even clearly express what exactly I feel, it’s just lonliness, and I feal existencial loneliness - it is such a kind of lonliness, in which a person feel they have lost some bond with the cosmos. I can just sing Linkin Park’s song Numb - “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there” 

 

The Hidden Power - Something instead of pre-history

What is a salamander? Most people would say it is a kind of lizard that comes up when it’s rainy - a species of the triturus family.

Other people say they’ve heard legends about it - “the fire spirit”

No-one actually knows these creatures. Here are some facts:

A salamander is the only vertebrate that can rehabilitate entirely any part of its body(except, of course, its head). It is the only animal that can not be killed by fire. Its skin produces some special poisonous fliud that not only protects him very well from the predators, it is a real mystery for the biologists how this fluid actually doesn’t allow the fire burn its skin. The only species on this planet that can pass through the fire - “The Fire Spirit” as some tribes in Australia call it.  As having such characteristics, the animal has turned into a symbol. It is a symbol of the surviving and rehabilitation, a symbol of the passage to something better, a symbol of evolution. And, of course, just as many other things that people found different and unexplainable there are legends about it… well, not about the salamander as we know it nowadays. The legends describe that it has the tipical body of amphibious, with a structure that looks just like the salamandridae(or triturus family), with the only different that it had wings, and they also gave the “fire spirit” the name “a dragon”. Do you now make up your mind of any legends about the salamander-like creature? Aww, yeah there are thousands of legends.  But as many historitians do, we should also think - “Is there something behind the legend?” We should consider that the legend about Vlad Dracula actually made medics find the sun allergy, and a disiase in which the patient wants to drink blood, now all this is explained and healed with special drugs, but in the past it was just an unexplainable fact hidden behind a fascinating legend.

This is a satelite-made picture of the so called “Dragon Mountaines” in “Republic of South Africa”(the blue lines are not real, they’re drawn in order for the dragon to be better seen, however the shape of the mountain is real

geologists are sure there should be a proper explanation about this phenomenon, howevere they’ve not found any And this bellow is a picture of a salamander, can you see the likeness between these both?

 

The hidden power, part 1

 

It was 8 a.m. and I was just about to pick up the morning paper when I saw a knife lying on the lawn, in the middle of my front yard!

I went back into the house to call the police. I felt something very strange… some kind of anxiety I couldn’t explain. I dialed 911 and explained about the strange knife infront of my house(there was no blood on it). The cops said they’d be here in an hour. When I was just about to put the receiver back I heard a strange cracking from the phone line. Someone had eavesdropped my conversation with the police! Then I heard some very law noise from the second floor. The one that has eavsedropped my conversation was in my house! Perhaps he was a murderer who didn’t succed to run away in time and decided to hide in my house, or had he come for me?! I rushed outside, but suddenly I realised the door was locked! How On Earth could someone be upstairs and succed in locking the door at the same time?! Or was he just one? I rang the neighbour and told him I couldn’t go out with him tonight, for I was very very tired, then I lied on the sofa and pretended to be asleep. Then I just waited…

After almost half an hour I heard steps coming down the stairs. Someone was coming. He suddenly whispered my name, but I didn’t react, I was just pretending to be asleep and watching him with a half-closed eye. Then a woman appeared. Seems like she had the same name as me, because the man called her again. She turned to him and asked:

“What are we going to do with her?”

“She is not a threat for us for now, the old which who protected her is now gone, we can catch her at any time! That stupid crazy woman shouldn’t use magic against me! It’s good I at least managed to take the knife”

“Did you use it?”

“Yes”

“You used magic again?! Are you crazy, what if someone had felt us?”

“I’m sure no-one felt our presence, and even if they did we will be out of town in a few minutes”

“The power of the knife is just temporarily. Perhaps it is already exhausted”

“Don’t worry, I got the salamander in me. This stupid old which couldn’t protect even an egg! Hahaha!”

“Good. Did you use the power of the salamander?”

“No, not yet, I’m too tired for such a thing, and its heir is still alive, too close, the salamander wouldn’t obey to me!”

“I don’t get it! She is sleeping, let’s finish her now!”

“No, don’t dare touch her! Are you mad?! The salamander is hot, if we attack her, this stupid thing will automaticly pour its powers into her! That’s just the opposite of what we want! We’ll leave her for now! Let’s get out of here!”

They went out of my house, but I didn’t even noticed, I stood like i couldn’tmove and I just felt some strong fire that was burning me from the inside! I suddenly felt a tremendous power! I was hot, too hot, my senses could concept things I’d never felt before. Then something suddenly just like grabbed me and made me go after the strange people! Something I couldn’t fight, something that was calling me…