No more damp!

I’m over too tired of all this feeling lonely. Actually I’ve found out that loneliness is a condition of the mind. I have never had a succesful love relationship so far! If i meet a guy that I really like, he’s going to appear to be an idiot, then it’s me the one who puts the end of the relationship. After that I cope with my loneliness (surprizing but seems like I’ve turned out to be stronger than I thought I am) and forget about the ex=boy. I fall in love with another one, who is nice, but the ex one asks me to turn back to him. Now I am no longer in love with him, neither I could do anything with the other one, who after a few months of waiting got another girlfriend. Here’s why “my mind is laughing at me” as Korn sing in one of their songs - “Did my time” Now I not only feel the opposite of lonely, but I also feel I can hardly even breathe after all these unsuccesful relationships. I dislike relationships. I don’t feel sad at all. I actually feel very well now that I finally realise what my faulties are. From now on I’m not going to search the love, I’m just going to live for the moment. If love appears that will be okay, if it doesn’t that won’t bother me at all! And I’d also like to say that Leann Rimes’ song “Can’t fight the moonlight” sucks!!!

 

Sooo lonely…

 

Lately I feel so lonely, that I just can’t find a way out of this black hole. I’ve been searching for love, and right after I’ve decided I finally found it, it just gets rid of me, it slippes through my fingers, and goes on without me! Just passing by to say “hi”… and that hurts. I always fall in love with some idiots who are searching for nothing serious, however one of the guys I’ve fallen in love with(as I now realise) has actually been the only one searching for a true relationship - my ex-boyfriend. I dissagree with his methods of giving some fresh air into a relationship, however the fact he wanted to do so is very interesting thing. Now after the consecutive dissapointment I sit here in my room, lonlier than ever, and I that the relationship with my ex, is actually the  strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. You would probably ask what my problem is? I cannot fully trust people, I just can not let myself being loved, I just can not believe someone can really love me and be faithful to me, I don’t believe it any more. If love is such a great feeling that beats everything, where is that love? I have never seen it? I don’t know it! I’m searching for it, okay what was the saying “those who search find” , but I didn’t. I see many examples of couples who just get pissed off by each other after a while, and they’re unfaithful, guys are liers, they never say the truth and there’s no way to find out are they faithful to you or not. And do they really like me? Why? What do they like in me?  They never say anything specific, just they like me, “love is blind” , perhaps that’s why it can’t see my desperate efforts to find it. Perhaps I’ve overreacted to the need for love, perhaps I just don’t need it any more, however the more I think about it the lonlier I feel. I cannot even clearly express what exactly I feel, it’s just lonliness, and I feal existencial loneliness - it is such a kind of lonliness, in which a person feel they have lost some bond with the cosmos. I can just sing Linkin Park’s song Numb - “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there” 

 

Informational flood?

 

Many people who want to be taken for very smart and wise say: “Knowledge hurts”. I wonder why. I have always believed knowledge is a power. There is a saying: “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer” The more you know about something or someone the better you know how to deal with it, how to win in a difficult situation, how to influence. That’s why knowledge is a power. But we’re all used to choosing what to know. If we don’t understand something, or if it seems to contradict to our point of view about the universe we just avoid it. That can be said abot our conceptions for everything. We could see only 40% of the sun’s radiation - the so called visible light. The other 60% are ultraviolet and infrared beams we don’t see. We don’t hear the infrasound and ultrasound. We don’t comprehend things that are beyond our senses… but they exist. We don’t even understand fully any relligion, the brain even has the ability to forget in order to save its functions. Perhaps the data that our brain stores is something so important that it should be stored very very carefully. We use only a small percent of our brains’ ability to store information, and even it is sometimes deleted in order to prevent some bad consequenses. But what would happen if we were forced to comprehend all of the data in the world? It is all a great web of concepts and the more we know the more we stick on this web untill our brain just refuses to work. Have you ever herad of a situation in which many surprizing facts come out and someone say “Wow, that was so spontanous I need some time to comprehend all this!”  So, do we live better as we don’t comprehend a great part of the world’s data or would we live better if we try to fully understand everything? In this point could we use the concept “informational flood”? How do you think? We live in the 21 century. The 20th century was the one of technologies, but the 21 century is the time of information, concepts, personality growing. A whole lot of writers describe unexplainable things, they write about very sophisticated matter trying to represent it in a simple way, many directors create films for the (scary?) future, philosophy becomes a greater science than ever, all kinds of stuff are trying to be understood, everyone tries to become wiser(all in their own way). They all take the beginning of a lifelong journey, a journey that would end when they understand everything that could be understood - never. “Informational flood” - that could be the new global problem of the 21st century society. And it’s just the beginning…

 

To everyone who is not afraid of being responsible… for others

Here is one of those situations that require a lot of wisdom in order to be solved:

Emagine a very good friend of yours decides to commit a suicide and wants to do it with pills. You are the best friend of his and you love this person very much(he loves you too) That’s why you are the only whom he tells his plans. He also asks you to give him find those pills for him(he couldn’t find them anywhere).What would you do? Would you do everything in order to save his life, or help him?(you’re supposed to be his closest person)I think you should first answer some questions for yourself. Why does he want to suicide? Why is he asking you for assistance, and do you have the power to decide who lives and who dies. Let’s think over the first one. Why do people suicide? This is one of those question that could be answered with the very popular phrase “Love Conqueres Everything!” Everything that could be so scary, or unbearable could be made better if there was more love! Think over that, find examples for yourself about different kinds of reasons that make people suicide and you’ll see all those peopel just needed more love! And now let’s answer the second question. Why does your friend tell you all of his plans, why is he telling you? Could that mean an appeal to you, that should attract you, and make you pay more attention to this person? As his closest friendyou’re supposed to be really loved by this person. Here comes again the question about love, care and everything we do for thosew who we love. Think about that!

Are you ready? Now we can go to the third question. Do you have the right to decide who lives and who dies? Do you have any choice? Thetruth is taht as his closest person you have a tremendous influence over this person and “With th egreat power comes the great responsibility!” Of course you have the power to decide who lives and who dies if this is a matter of someone who you love! People have created gods to take the responsibility of their own deeds instead of them, and let alone the responsibility for other people! I would try to do my best in order to heal this person, and remove the reason that makes him suicide. I would make him feel loved. Ok, I’m sure you have already thought about another very similar situatin. Someone tells you he’s going to suicide if you don’t come back to him, because he loves you very much, but you don’t love him any more. Then would you sacrifice your love, your life and your happines just to save someone’s life? And can we call this love? It may sound nasty but I wouldn’t sacrifice my love, happyness and lifetime in order to fall in somebody’s trap just to save his life. In that case this is a person who perhaps isn’t grown enough to face the real life and cope with his own feelings. the choice is his only! In teh first case when you love the person then you are responsible! That’s the difference. You remmember what the fox says to teh Little Prince - “You’re responsible for what you tame”. And what if you find yourself in the second situation? Are you still responsible for the fact that this person is going to suicide!? I’d liek to change the phrase of the fox - “You are responsible for those who you love!”

 

“Never try to determine what’s good and what’s bad, because as soon as you differ them, these both automatically replace!”

I devote this post to all girls who believe they love their boyfriend so deeply that they could bare anything, I dovete it to Lyd , with who we have recently discussed the need for surprizes in a relationship, and I also devote it to everyone who loves the film “White Oleander” or the flower appreciators.

How much do we need surprizes in a relationship? Can’t really say? Yeah, sure it’s a difficult question to answer, for it has two possible understandings - do we need bad surprizes or do we need good ones? Then many people would say they’d prefer the good surprizes. However those who are smart and like to use their brain(such as Lyd) would ask - What do you mean? What is a good surprize and what is a bad surprize? How can we differ them? Aren’t they the same - surprizes?!Good questions! Yeah, i agree with you, however I’m one of those who would not be able to answer this question at all! I have a tenet not to define what’s good and what’s bad. I have been persuaded in that principle during many many years while watching all kinds of people and situations one could meet. However once I broke that tenet, and that brought me a lot of unpleasant feelings!  I fall in love. You know what’ s the beginning like - flowers and fairy tales, everything’s perfect, a new harmony surrounds your heart, you feel useful and you find sense in everything you do, untill….

until you meet the reality! The reality is full of reasons, and acts followed by their consequenses. You should always be aware of anything, you should always use your brain and never allow the emotions and feelings lead you! The best relationships are based on a whole lot of efforts by the both mates, that’s true! And what about the surprizes? Two days ago, it was after our course, when my ex-boyfriend surprized me in a very unpleasant way. He was on a party, he was drunk, so he gave his mobile phone to some other drunks to shit whith me. However I’m not so blonde! It took me just 15 minutes to find out who are those drunks and who appears to have caused this. I put all of them four in their places and they didnt try to shit with me again! However the surprize was very unpleasant. I didn’t expect my ex-boyfriend to do such a thing, I believed he is a nice friend, I even was starting to sorry that I broke up with him. So such a bad surprize shows how I made a mistake while ignoring one of my own rules! How much do we need such surprizes? Do we need such bad surprizes at all?! And what about the good surprizes - do we need them? Can you generally say we need surprizes? Hmm, some may think I’m speaking like a relativist, but good and bad are always soo close to each other that as soon as you believe you have distinguished them, they replace right at the tmoment! I thought it is different with love, unfortunately it is not! You should accept the strong and the weak points of your mate, because they can mix anytime! Really, ANYTIME! You should be aware and thinking, not led by emotions and feelings. Try to follow this advice, and you’ll see how easier life could be!

 

I like listening to music a lot!

I dedicate this post to Vesi, whom I promised to write in my blog today Well, Vesi, sorry about the boring post but I don’t know what to write right now, unless that I really really like music I’m listening to music all the time, while I’m writing my homeworks, while studying or writing essays, I listen to music while Skype-ing, always at any time I prefer Nelly Furtado, Upsyrt and some new songs that are turned on the “City” channel. I wonder why are some people such maniacs about music, and that are almost 80% of all my classmates What do u think? And what kind of music do u prefer?

 

The “simple” things

 

“Lion King” is one of my favourite movies and this is not because I like watching beautiful animated and speaking drawings. As Einstein says “The most difficult things should be explained in a simple way, but not made simplier” That’s exactly what we can see in “Lion King”

There are many topics about life which are revieled in the cartoon. For example the most problematic question about a person is the personal growing up. In the movie we can see a little kid, who had a very bad luck, but after that learns how to face the problems and not just running away from them. We can also meet the problem about love - Simba and Nalla. Does love conquer everything? Does love exist? We can just watch the relationship between the two lions and see how they face problems about being apreciated and having at least someone to rely on. Love appears in a moment you feel you don’t need it right now, it destroys your harmony and it builds a new better harmony of your heart. Another important topic is about being a parent and how parents always give everything for their children who give everything for theirs too. It doesn’t mean to sacrifice for ones kids, just it is exactly un “all-conquering-real-love”! Another topic is about braveness - it is not the lack of fear but the ability to realise that something is more importnant than the fact you are now scared! There are also problems about honour, about blood lines - that they’re not always so important(Simba & Scar). And another problem is about the real friendship - friends appear always just at the moment you most need them and they never leave you when you are in a difficulty. They walk with you trough life and a friend can be called the one with who you’ve spent a whole lot of moments, problems and situations together.

Isn’t it strange how such topics are revieled in a cartoon that is watched by little kids? And hasn’t somebody said that kids are wiser than the adults? As Luis Armstorng sings “I see babies cry, I watch them grow, They’ll learn much more than I’ll ever know, and I think to myself, what a wonderful World!” No, I’m not out of my mind, I’m just talking about the circle of life! everyone learns how to live by living! It is actualy the fact that Einstein was right - the wisest and meaningful things are hidden in the simpliest things of life - the simple details that we often neglect when we say “Now I’m going to apply for college(or smth elese, also very important)  and everything that stands in my way will be removed!” But aren’t these impediments what teaches us how to live? And if we’re so hurried that we neglect them then may I quote a very famous writer Aleko Konstantinov who asks “And when are we going to live?!”

 

What I have learnt from Lyd’s classes:

 

As you know I’m a little sick right now and I have a low voice so I couldn’t speak anything I’d like. Here’s what I’ve learnt from Lyd:

I learnt that we often follow rules without thinking, and that we often are too lazy even for the smallest things. I was shown how really important is to use your brain in everything you do. One just has to think a little deeper before doing something as a robot without even knowing why. There are many useful things that are very simple but we are so lazy and so afraid of teh change that we hardly cope even with these small things - like writing two essays for example. I also learnt to believe in myself. This is something I’ve mostly learnt from Lyd’s classes and it is one of the most useful things I’v ever learnt!!!! Well, I have always believed that I can acheive much but only if I almost sacrifice. Lyd showed me that even some of the best jobs I can think of are very reachable if you just try to work a little hard for acheiving your goals. It is not impossible to go to Harvard and to have a wonderful job and a wonderful life - you just have to be braver, to try and to be persistant and to believe in yourself. I also learnt how important is to read and write - to communicate. Since I’ve started Cooledge classes I’ve met many people from other countries and cultures and some of them were even creating their own campaignes. I have never believed a person could lead a succesful campaigne, an ordinary person I mean - but I just see it with my eyes!! So this is what I’ve learnt since the beginning of Cooledge - that everything is possible if you just try to do it and put your mind in it but also learn how to have fun  :)   Of course I have learnt some words and I’ve got used to making readings, but believeing in myself is the best thing I’ve learnt. I’m not sayng that just to praise Lyd or to try to make a good impression - I never try to do that and it is the thing I most hate! I’m really grateful about the things I have learnt since October and now I can’t make up my mind of any notes or recomendations - just keep doing what you believe is right - it is definately helpful!

 

With great power comes the great responsibility!

I was made to think about a phrase of Dostoevsky which says “Nothing has ever been more unbearable for the people than freedom!” At first I was a little confused, because… Oh come onnn, who finds freedom unbearable??!!! That’s stupid! However I decided that anyway Dostoevsky is a little smarter than me   and I decided to think better what had made him say such a thing! You know - now I agree with him!!! You’re asking why? Here’s what - perhaps you think that freedom is the right to do what you want - who dislikes this idea? However freedom is something different… It is the right to make your personal choice! We make many decisions every day and these decisions best describes us as what kind of people we are. If a person is a free one they must do these decisions on their own! Everyone has goals, values, dreams and the power to choose what to be and to fight for his values. That’s why freedom is a power, but “With great power comes the great responsibility” - says Peter Parker’s grandfather. Is he right? I think he is, because as a fox says to The Little Prince  “You are responsible for what you’ve tamed”. We are all responsible for what we fight for or look after, and we are responsible for our lives and our deeds. But this responsibility for many people is so unbearable that they’d rather choose to be dependable on a greater authority which to rule them and free them from that responsibility.

A typical example for that are the religions - all of them. They have strict rules and if you follow them you’ll have a good life and an absolution of your sins. The search of absolution shows that people can not bear the consequences of their deeds, that’s why they like to believe that someone has sacrificed in order for them to be free of responsibility and go to heaven stright after death.  For example if a serial killer wants to have an absolution of his sins he would just sorry and then he would expect to have no punishment for what he had done!
Even the most bold and brave people in world’s history have feared the freedom.

A typical example is Alexander Macedonsky. He had ruled almost the whole world, he set a NEW ERA in human history and still he was very religious! He never fought on Monday(was he free?), he always made gifts to the gods and followed a lot of other rules. It is a historical fact that most of his fights are won after he had recieved a special sign from the gods. He had the power to do great things but still he wanted to be sure that a great authority stands by him, so that he didn’t have to be entirely responsible for his deeds. Do you know how he died - he died of fever, when he got scared of a few “bad signs” (read chronichles by Plutarh ). Aint it funny how scared we are by taking the responsibility of our own deeds, even the bravest of us?

Freedom means to be free to do what you want, yeah, but also to bear the consequences of what you  have done! And that responsibility is so terrifying for the people that they have found it much easier to create religions, to make fantastic theories for explaining something that just doesn’t exist, and even to kill one another for those religions! How many people who believe in God would contradict to some rules of the (Christianity, Islam, Buddhism) huh? They would rather die, than to contradict to such a great authority as God. But hey ohhh we are talking about their own life!!! Unfortunately that proves Dostoevsky’s words that “nothing has ever been more unbearable for the people than freedom!”

 

Bad boys

There isn’t any girl or woman on this planet that has never fallen in love with one of the so called “bad boys”.  Almost every female has had a relationship with such a person, others have just fallen in love or at least be attracted by some kind of a bad boy.

Here are the three general types:

1. Bad boys who don’t hide they’re ones and behave just like dangerous and very cool guys. Why are they so dangerous - because they don’t even try to hide their “bad boy nature” and you think they’re very honest, or just try to show off in order to impress you. You believe they’re very pure and good somewhere deep in their soul, and they have put on some kind of a mask of a bad boy just for the outside world. You believe you can find the purest in them by laying all of your love on them, after then they would become just like angels fallen in your love trap. The truth is that they want you to think that way, because they want  you to fall in their web. The most common mistake about such types is that 90% of the women say “He’s a bad boy because of some sircumstanses, and now when he is with me, I’m going to show him what  real love is, he’s going to feel better, and I can easily change him!” That’s the biggest mistake ever! You girls, can you easily change something in your own characters, let alone the whole character of another person who is 18 or above?!?! Nooo wayyy! Just be careful!

2. The second type of bad boys is bad boys who pretend to be good boys. They are so genius liers that you somehow believe that they’re the purest and most sensitive people in the world. Actually they want to have a surely victim fallen in their web. You know what purpose they chase… Why are they so dangerous - this is actually the most dangerous type of bad boys, because the fisrt ones don’t hide their behaviour and you in some way know what to expect of them. The ones who just pretend to be good boys are good liers, and they are almost not able to feel love, they’re just using the girls.

3. The third type is good boys who pretend to be bad boys. Their soul is almost unreachable, because they believe they are bad boys and they pretend to be ones. They are difficult ti change, because from all the 3 types these are the ones who most want to be considered bad boys. If you even try to change their image that could cause you only harms.  You must be a very tactful actor in order to succed in changin them. These can be changed a little, not because their character can be changed, but because they are not actually real bad boys, they just pretend to be ones, that’s why it is easier to turn them back to the good side.

Most common lies:

- “I love you” - Men get involved in deep feelings, so difficult that you can be sure that if once they fall in love they almost never stop loving. So if some of them tells you he loves you, and you are in a relationship for two weeks - he is deffinetely lying! What can you do? - You can tell him that you love him too and then smile! Ohhh you don’t have a clue how strong effect this strategy has!! They find out that you have not only revieled their strategy, but also are able to use it - that could make them feel a higher respect to you!

 - “Let’s come to my place to watch a movie!” Heyy girls, don’t tell me you believe that! Does this lie actually need a comment?

 - “I’ve been with many girls, but for years I’ve been looking for a serious rerlationship” - Oh, come ooon - so many girls and none of them ready for a serious relationship?!! You must even think why so many girls have left him! Or had he really had so many girl or is just lying If he starts lying you for even the smallest thing - then you  must know that this guy can be unfaithfull. If he once lies(even for the colour of his socks) that means he’s going to lie you again! I know soooooooo well such kinds of lies and strategies that I’m now using them, and trust me if you start using their strategies against them - they become scared and you are laughing - that means you are the leader of your own feelings and don’t fall in any traps or webs.

Yooo, bad boys, you’re secrets are revieled! What’cha gonna do, huh?