Sooo lonely…

 

Lately I feel so lonely, that I just can’t find a way out of this black hole. I’ve been searching for love, and right after I’ve decided I finally found it, it just gets rid of me, it slippes through my fingers, and goes on without me! Just passing by to say “hi”… and that hurts. I always fall in love with some idiots who are searching for nothing serious, however one of the guys I’ve fallen in love with(as I now realise) has actually been the only one searching for a true relationship - my ex-boyfriend. I dissagree with his methods of giving some fresh air into a relationship, however the fact he wanted to do so is very interesting thing. Now after the consecutive dissapointment I sit here in my room, lonlier than ever, and I that the relationship with my ex, is actually the  strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. You would probably ask what my problem is? I cannot fully trust people, I just can not let myself being loved, I just can not believe someone can really love me and be faithful to me, I don’t believe it any more. If love is such a great feeling that beats everything, where is that love? I have never seen it? I don’t know it! I’m searching for it, okay what was the saying “those who search find” , but I didn’t. I see many examples of couples who just get pissed off by each other after a while, and they’re unfaithful, guys are liers, they never say the truth and there’s no way to find out are they faithful to you or not. And do they really like me? Why? What do they like in me?  They never say anything specific, just they like me, “love is blind” , perhaps that’s why it can’t see my desperate efforts to find it. Perhaps I’ve overreacted to the need for love, perhaps I just don’t need it any more, however the more I think about it the lonlier I feel. I cannot even clearly express what exactly I feel, it’s just lonliness, and I feal existencial loneliness - it is such a kind of lonliness, in which a person feel they have lost some bond with the cosmos. I can just sing Linkin Park’s song Numb - “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there” 

 

Informational flood?

 

Many people who want to be taken for very smart and wise say: “Knowledge hurts”. I wonder why. I have always believed knowledge is a power. There is a saying: “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer” The more you know about something or someone the better you know how to deal with it, how to win in a difficult situation, how to influence. That’s why knowledge is a power. But we’re all used to choosing what to know. If we don’t understand something, or if it seems to contradict to our point of view about the universe we just avoid it. That can be said abot our conceptions for everything. We could see only 40% of the sun’s radiation - the so called visible light. The other 60% are ultraviolet and infrared beams we don’t see. We don’t hear the infrasound and ultrasound. We don’t comprehend things that are beyond our senses… but they exist. We don’t even understand fully any relligion, the brain even has the ability to forget in order to save its functions. Perhaps the data that our brain stores is something so important that it should be stored very very carefully. We use only a small percent of our brains’ ability to store information, and even it is sometimes deleted in order to prevent some bad consequenses. But what would happen if we were forced to comprehend all of the data in the world? It is all a great web of concepts and the more we know the more we stick on this web untill our brain just refuses to work. Have you ever herad of a situation in which many surprizing facts come out and someone say “Wow, that was so spontanous I need some time to comprehend all this!”  So, do we live better as we don’t comprehend a great part of the world’s data or would we live better if we try to fully understand everything? In this point could we use the concept “informational flood”? How do you think? We live in the 21 century. The 20th century was the one of technologies, but the 21 century is the time of information, concepts, personality growing. A whole lot of writers describe unexplainable things, they write about very sophisticated matter trying to represent it in a simple way, many directors create films for the (scary?) future, philosophy becomes a greater science than ever, all kinds of stuff are trying to be understood, everyone tries to become wiser(all in their own way). They all take the beginning of a lifelong journey, a journey that would end when they understand everything that could be understood - never. “Informational flood” - that could be the new global problem of the 21st century society. And it’s just the beginning…

 

“Come on - eat your bread with pleasure and have fun while drinking your wine, because God has already accepted all of your deeds!”

I doveote this post to one of Paulo Coelho’s characters called Veronica, who discovered that life is a miracle!        

How do you imagine the life? I mean a good life. Do you imagine it to be boring, or do you imagine the wonderful life as somethin exciting? Look at these kids. Aren’t they pretty? Yes they are, because they are enjoying the rain with every part of their body, mind and soul. And what if these were your kids, what would you tell them? “Oh, come here, it’s raining, you can cath a cold, don’t do that!” Why???? Why don’t people say “Oohh, look - It’s raining! Lets go out!” Because they follow rules. All problems people have, come from their own dependance on thousands of rules and norms. You know what has a phylosopher said: “One can best find themselves when they find their own boundaries” If you think deeplier you would probably say this person was quite wise! Do you know who he is - Leopold Fon Zaher Mazoh! Now all the boundaries, fixed norms and prejudices come up to your mind and withouth thinking you say: “What?! Mazoh?!! That’s disgusting, he was mad!” Hmm… And what does it mean to be mad? We all say someone is mad when he looks strange in our eyes. Strange is a synonim of different. Oh, look how far we’ve got! We think that difference is a synonym of craziness! Shame on you!!   I would rather say - “Ne Varietatem Timeamus” (Do not fear the different) Maybe they wouldn’t be so crazy if you try to understand them. There is a difference between crazy and dangerous! How many times you have denied doing something just because it is not normal or unusual for you? Next time when it rains, go out in the street ?(without an umbrella or a raincoat!) and dance in the rain! Do you find it nice? Then why don’t you do that? Because it’s crazy? :)  Why don’t you buy one of those books with drawings that are waiting you to paint them? Oh, of course - that’s for kids, adults don’t paint, unless if their out of their mind Why don’t you throw yourself in the sea with all of your clothes?! You have no idea what fun it is!!! You see the sea, the beach, but your swim wear is in the suitcase, together with the sun cream, the towels and everything else. Your parents, or friends decide to go to the quarter, and prepare for the beach. Everything is always planned! But, oh, come on, look at the sea!!! It’s lovely, and it’s telling you to come! But only you can hear it because you’re crazy Then you start runing, you don’t listen to your parents(or friends) screaming after you, you just listen to the sea, that is greeting you, and the water. The water is so cold! You just throw yourself in the sea with all of your clothes and GOSH it’s  FANTASTIC! You realise you love being spontaneous, you like the sea, you like it now, not as you have planned when exactly to swim in it. You like swim in it when it calls you! It’s fantastic! Try it. Oh, of course, I forgot. Normal people don’t do that! Can you emagine how many moments there are that can make you appreciate life , that can make you find yourself in a harmony with everything, that you ignore just because they are not normal! I have recently read about some teens masturbating in class. Ok, you want to masturbate in class - do it!  Usually people put some emotions in their sexual activity and it is intimate, but if you feel you can’t bare the lack of orgasm neither a minute more, then do it! Be crazy, feel the moment, but to be free means not to harm the other people,don’t forget that! They believe it is not normal to masturbate in class However I suppose it’s a great fun and it’s deffinetely more interesting than some stupid lessons :)  After doing some “crazy” things you will always feel excited! You will always appreciate the moment! That’s the simple moments that show you life is wonderful!  And about the crazy people - if you say someone is crazy tha means ONLY that you can’t understand him! You should think about your being in a harmony with the world instead of judging the others! Calling someone crazy means that your world is too small for him. However there are so many things. Do you remember the song “Circle of life?”  - “More to see than can ever be seen, more to find than can ever be found, more to do than can ever be done!” Life is crazy! It loves the moment! Try to accept its crazyness, because those who do that live nice, no matter whether you understand them or not! :) 

 

Liberal Arts?

What is a Liberal Arts College?

A liberal arts college is a “college or university curriculum aimed at imparting general knowledge and developing general intellectual capacities, in contrast to a professional, vocational, or technical curriculum.”  Liberal Arts Colleges are considered ones that “change life”, for their ability to create thinking people, able to non-stop develop their characters and prosper in everything they find interesting. A liberal Arts College doesn’t prepare students for a specific career at the beginning of one’s education there. Instead, people obtain some skills and habbits that are very useful in searching a job, being a nice worker, and a prospering person. The specific knowledge is taught during the last two years, but their purpose is to involve you into a science branch, not to prepare a genius. The point is that if you’re interested in something, and have the requisite skills to find a job, you would not stop prosper and you would make your life well.

• It is a fact that “Liberal Arts College” is a form of higher education that is used in the USA.
• It is a fact that the USA is the Third Richest country in the world. The richest one is Luxemburg with $55,000 GDP, then are both Norway and USA with $37,800 GDP  You can see the statistics here  —>>>   The Richiest Countries In The World
• It is also a fact that such a prospering country hopefully relies on “Liberal Arts” form of education. 
• Another fact is that this kind of education in the USA is very expensive and not all students can afford it. Only the best recieve a schollarship, and the richest are able to pay their entire education.
• One also very important fact is that not all students find a job stright after they graduate a Liberal Arts College.
• However, another fact is that as you probably know, The USA is called “The country of the many opportunities” There are opportunities to work, and take loans(but the loan you take and the money you get from working are still not enough to pay the entire education).

Are Liberal Arts Colleges the best form of education? I don’t know, I have never studied in a one. I just post some facts about them, that are necessary to be considered when making a choice about whether to study in the USA.

 

With great power comes the great responsibility!

I was made to think about a phrase of Dostoevsky which says “Nothing has ever been more unbearable for the people than freedom!” At first I was a little confused, because… Oh come onnn, who finds freedom unbearable??!!! That’s stupid! However I decided that anyway Dostoevsky is a little smarter than me   and I decided to think better what had made him say such a thing! You know - now I agree with him!!! You’re asking why? Here’s what - perhaps you think that freedom is the right to do what you want - who dislikes this idea? However freedom is something different… It is the right to make your personal choice! We make many decisions every day and these decisions best describes us as what kind of people we are. If a person is a free one they must do these decisions on their own! Everyone has goals, values, dreams and the power to choose what to be and to fight for his values. That’s why freedom is a power, but “With great power comes the great responsibility” - says Peter Parker’s grandfather. Is he right? I think he is, because as a fox says to The Little Prince  “You are responsible for what you’ve tamed”. We are all responsible for what we fight for or look after, and we are responsible for our lives and our deeds. But this responsibility for many people is so unbearable that they’d rather choose to be dependable on a greater authority which to rule them and free them from that responsibility.

A typical example for that are the religions - all of them. They have strict rules and if you follow them you’ll have a good life and an absolution of your sins. The search of absolution shows that people can not bear the consequences of their deeds, that’s why they like to believe that someone has sacrificed in order for them to be free of responsibility and go to heaven stright after death.  For example if a serial killer wants to have an absolution of his sins he would just sorry and then he would expect to have no punishment for what he had done!
Even the most bold and brave people in world’s history have feared the freedom.

A typical example is Alexander Macedonsky. He had ruled almost the whole world, he set a NEW ERA in human history and still he was very religious! He never fought on Monday(was he free?), he always made gifts to the gods and followed a lot of other rules. It is a historical fact that most of his fights are won after he had recieved a special sign from the gods. He had the power to do great things but still he wanted to be sure that a great authority stands by him, so that he didn’t have to be entirely responsible for his deeds. Do you know how he died - he died of fever, when he got scared of a few “bad signs” (read chronichles by Plutarh ). Aint it funny how scared we are by taking the responsibility of our own deeds, even the bravest of us?

Freedom means to be free to do what you want, yeah, but also to bear the consequences of what you  have done! And that responsibility is so terrifying for the people that they have found it much easier to create religions, to make fantastic theories for explaining something that just doesn’t exist, and even to kill one another for those religions! How many people who believe in God would contradict to some rules of the (Christianity, Islam, Buddhism) huh? They would rather die, than to contradict to such a great authority as God. But hey ohhh we are talking about their own life!!! Unfortunately that proves Dostoevsky’s words that “nothing has ever been more unbearable for the people than freedom!”

 

Bad boys

There isn’t any girl or woman on this planet that has never fallen in love with one of the so called “bad boys”.  Almost every female has had a relationship with such a person, others have just fallen in love or at least be attracted by some kind of a bad boy.

Here are the three general types:

1. Bad boys who don’t hide they’re ones and behave just like dangerous and very cool guys. Why are they so dangerous - because they don’t even try to hide their “bad boy nature” and you think they’re very honest, or just try to show off in order to impress you. You believe they’re very pure and good somewhere deep in their soul, and they have put on some kind of a mask of a bad boy just for the outside world. You believe you can find the purest in them by laying all of your love on them, after then they would become just like angels fallen in your love trap. The truth is that they want you to think that way, because they want  you to fall in their web. The most common mistake about such types is that 90% of the women say “He’s a bad boy because of some sircumstanses, and now when he is with me, I’m going to show him what  real love is, he’s going to feel better, and I can easily change him!” That’s the biggest mistake ever! You girls, can you easily change something in your own characters, let alone the whole character of another person who is 18 or above?!?! Nooo wayyy! Just be careful!

2. The second type of bad boys is bad boys who pretend to be good boys. They are so genius liers that you somehow believe that they’re the purest and most sensitive people in the world. Actually they want to have a surely victim fallen in their web. You know what purpose they chase… Why are they so dangerous - this is actually the most dangerous type of bad boys, because the fisrt ones don’t hide their behaviour and you in some way know what to expect of them. The ones who just pretend to be good boys are good liers, and they are almost not able to feel love, they’re just using the girls.

3. The third type is good boys who pretend to be bad boys. Their soul is almost unreachable, because they believe they are bad boys and they pretend to be ones. They are difficult ti change, because from all the 3 types these are the ones who most want to be considered bad boys. If you even try to change their image that could cause you only harms.  You must be a very tactful actor in order to succed in changin them. These can be changed a little, not because their character can be changed, but because they are not actually real bad boys, they just pretend to be ones, that’s why it is easier to turn them back to the good side.

Most common lies:

- “I love you” - Men get involved in deep feelings, so difficult that you can be sure that if once they fall in love they almost never stop loving. So if some of them tells you he loves you, and you are in a relationship for two weeks - he is deffinetely lying! What can you do? - You can tell him that you love him too and then smile! Ohhh you don’t have a clue how strong effect this strategy has!! They find out that you have not only revieled their strategy, but also are able to use it - that could make them feel a higher respect to you!

 - “Let’s come to my place to watch a movie!” Heyy girls, don’t tell me you believe that! Does this lie actually need a comment?

 - “I’ve been with many girls, but for years I’ve been looking for a serious rerlationship” - Oh, come ooon - so many girls and none of them ready for a serious relationship?!! You must even think why so many girls have left him! Or had he really had so many girl or is just lying If he starts lying you for even the smallest thing - then you  must know that this guy can be unfaithfull. If he once lies(even for the colour of his socks) that means he’s going to lie you again! I know soooooooo well such kinds of lies and strategies that I’m now using them, and trust me if you start using their strategies against them - they become scared and you are laughing - that means you are the leader of your own feelings and don’t fall in any traps or webs.

Yooo, bad boys, you’re secrets are revieled! What’cha gonna do, huh?

 

You can’t miss what you’ve never had?

 

I am really concerned about a not very famous, but still a global problem about people’s lifestyle. I will start my explanation with some words about an experiment which scientificly proves that if you adopt a kid from Afrika, whose parents live in tribes, and if you send him to school he would be as clever as the other children. Here comes the question - if all people are equal why only few of them live their life full of convenients. In Africa, people who live in tribes can not even spell the word electricity, they must always light a fire at night, because that’s the only way to protect themselves and their food from the wild beasts! They don’t know what it is like to communicate with people all over the world, they don’t know what it is like to be able to do something in their life, they don’t know how to use a cumputer or a phone and they not always have hot water to look after someone sick, even sometimes they don’t have enough food because the wild beasts are very strong competitors! They still pray for water and food. All of you people, who say they’re happy in their way - have you ever praied the gods to give you water and food? And you ask is it nesessary to have modern technologies so that you live a good life? Before the Personal Computers were invented no one felt unhappy, but now when PC-s are fact are you happy of having a computer and if your computer breaks down do you buy a new one? Why, you can live without it too!  Perhaps you also don’t need cars or busses to travel to the nearest hospital if something happens! Perhaps you also don’t need electricity! Oh, come on!!! Of course people in Africa would be happy in their lifestyle as it is now - you can not miss what you have never had! And we speak about equality and care about the others! It is a fact that the time we live in is changing and we become more and more dependable on technologies - do you think these people could survive till the end of the 21 century?

 

Never give up!

 

Once we’ve been told that we should really respect the cleaners at school, because they are actually very smart and clever - most of them had a diploma and a higher education degree. Then, of course, we all laughed at that, because in the time we live you don’t need to be a specialist in job finding so that you understand that a diploma is not enough! OK, I wonder, why some people have a higher education degree and work as cleaners or shop assistants and still there are others who have never gone to college but are now bosses of some big companies? Yes, it is a fact and no matter who you ask they’ll all approve that statement. OK, why is that so? Perhaps there is something more than just a 4-year-time at college and diploma, perhaps it is a matter of personality skills. If you have a diploma but you are not good at communicating with people, you are lazy and not creative, even if you know a lot of facts you won’t find a job easily. But if you are very persistant, very good at human relationships and very creative and hard working - then you already know all you need to succed. It is a fact that in business schools in the USA people are being learnt how to obtain the “Soft Skills” and how to use them - that’s all! And what are these soft skills? - The ability to find a job, to work with people, to be creative and to know how to act in every kind of situation. It is very hard to find out what’s the job of your dreams, to make a clear go and to be very persistant in chasing it - this is a way on which you’ll probably find many impediments but you’ll have to be creative enough so that you can cope with everything! This is the most important thing - to be creative and know how to act in different situations, how to improve yourself and never give up your goals! Winston Churchill has said “Never Give Up” and, as we all know, he found a way to make his name immortal! Was he born famous? Noo, you cannot be born king, you must become one! Then you’ll be a winner. I want to be such a person!

 

Latest Lesson

This lesson today was very very interesting! :)  We had to imagine we must find a job at 18(i don’t liek picturing the idea my parents are dead) and we had to do on our owns. It is sooo interesting. I want to be independent but this is really the first time in my life I really think over this question! And as I picture sooo many opportunities, and soooo many jobs and sooo many oaths to take and kinds of a person I could become and the idea of being independent. Wow, I will really make a nice research and I’ll write my project for next Tuesday! Now so many ideas run through my head that I almost can’t write anything sensful

 

Is “tolerance” the other name of envy?

 

Today I watched some photos of portugalian students that would come to Dimitrovgrad for a project in April 2007. I wasn’t approved for that project, anyway, so now I’m speaking from the side of a third watcher. All BG tolerant, clever and talanted students just couldn’t stop laughing on how ugly the portugalians were! Jeeezz, people that’s not funny! That’s another country, another nation, they have different skin colour(most of them) Oh they said they looked like Gypsies but on the photos it appeares that those “gypsies” work on laptops at school. They had a wonderful chemistry lab, nice uniforms and a lovely school in a city with a lovely nature. Dimitrovgrad is something different -a lack of beautiful landscapes, a lack of money for laptops, a lack of discipline for uniforms and such a laugh at those things seem to be nothing but envy!!! The bulgarian students non stop repeat that they are the smartest, the most talanted and no-one is more tolerant and kind-hearted than them. The tryth is that most of them are full of envy and don’t have any big dreams and goes. They just want to go to a bg university and have a diploma and then have some kind of a job and that’s all. I do have friends that have done that! She applied for the Plovdiv’s university and she is studying for a teacher at the moment. She doesn’t have dreams and that’s one of my best friends I almost had a fight with her about her desision not to do anything(she is not studying at all and wants to teach in a primary school in 1-4 class smth eazy!) But foreign students who are in the EC has been thaught in another way and have a different upbringing. They aim to obtain a good career which means smth they’re good at and brings them good money too. They seem more tolerance and thaught to respect other cultures and skin colour! We haven’t! And we make justifications with the fact that they seem to be more stupid than us and are very ugly! That really are very reasonable arguments!

P.S. I have a problem with the shrift If somebody knows from where I can make the shrift could you please tell me?