No more damp!

I’m over too tired of all this feeling lonely. Actually I’ve found out that loneliness is a condition of the mind. I have never had a succesful love relationship so far! If i meet a guy that I really like, he’s going to appear to be an idiot, then it’s me the one who puts the end of the relationship. After that I cope with my loneliness (surprizing but seems like I’ve turned out to be stronger than I thought I am) and forget about the ex=boy. I fall in love with another one, who is nice, but the ex one asks me to turn back to him. Now I am no longer in love with him, neither I could do anything with the other one, who after a few months of waiting got another girlfriend. Here’s why “my mind is laughing at me” as Korn sing in one of their songs - “Did my time” Now I not only feel the opposite of lonely, but I also feel I can hardly even breathe after all these unsuccesful relationships. I dislike relationships. I don’t feel sad at all. I actually feel very well now that I finally realise what my faulties are. From now on I’m not going to search the love, I’m just going to live for the moment. If love appears that will be okay, if it doesn’t that won’t bother me at all! And I’d also like to say that Leann Rimes’ song “Can’t fight the moonlight” sucks!!!

 

Sooo lonely…

 

Lately I feel so lonely, that I just can’t find a way out of this black hole. I’ve been searching for love, and right after I’ve decided I finally found it, it just gets rid of me, it slippes through my fingers, and goes on without me! Just passing by to say “hi”… and that hurts. I always fall in love with some idiots who are searching for nothing serious, however one of the guys I’ve fallen in love with(as I now realise) has actually been the only one searching for a true relationship - my ex-boyfriend. I dissagree with his methods of giving some fresh air into a relationship, however the fact he wanted to do so is very interesting thing. Now after the consecutive dissapointment I sit here in my room, lonlier than ever, and I that the relationship with my ex, is actually the  strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. You would probably ask what my problem is? I cannot fully trust people, I just can not let myself being loved, I just can not believe someone can really love me and be faithful to me, I don’t believe it any more. If love is such a great feeling that beats everything, where is that love? I have never seen it? I don’t know it! I’m searching for it, okay what was the saying “those who search find” , but I didn’t. I see many examples of couples who just get pissed off by each other after a while, and they’re unfaithful, guys are liers, they never say the truth and there’s no way to find out are they faithful to you or not. And do they really like me? Why? What do they like in me?  They never say anything specific, just they like me, “love is blind” , perhaps that’s why it can’t see my desperate efforts to find it. Perhaps I’ve overreacted to the need for love, perhaps I just don’t need it any more, however the more I think about it the lonlier I feel. I cannot even clearly express what exactly I feel, it’s just lonliness, and I feal existencial loneliness - it is such a kind of lonliness, in which a person feel they have lost some bond with the cosmos. I can just sing Linkin Park’s song Numb - “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there” 

 

How hot is the hell?

I devote this post to all the people who are responsible for a greatest tragedy in Lybia and don’t bare any responsibility for their deeds - instead other( INNOCENT)  people suffer for them! Dear unresponsible idiots - hope you’re happy now!

What is the hell? Is it a place? And if it is place what’s so specific in that place - the condition of your soul while you’re there. So is the place so important? The answer is no! The hell is a condition of your spirit, mind and soul! Can you imagine so many children who will grow up and form their individuality under the pressure of the fact that they could die at any moment, can you imagine what people would become of those who are being raised in hospitals, does hope lives in the hospitals? NO! and what if the hope is being taken away from the kids while they’re forming they’re characters? What kind of people would become of that? People who are everyday close to death, desparate people who mistrust everything they have believed at! This is hell.  And if sooo many kids are forced to travel trough hell - that is called a tragedy!

If you’ve been prisoned for sircumstances you couldn’t ever change and you’re innocent, but still being tortured in many ways you couldn’t ever imagine before just in order to say you’re responsible for such a great tragedy, if hope have been taken from you, if you have missed the growth of your children, if your body, mind and soul hate the conditions you are - that is also called hell! And then finally someone desides you should die, but all the people around the globe fight for you and finally the fight is won - the capital sentenses are taken off you, but they tell you you should spend you’re whole life in this hell you’ve been living for several years. Then suddenly everyone becomes very happy for you! If I was given such a sentence - I would suicide! Honestny! What would you peopel do? Living in thehell and then someone tells you that you will get out of there only dead?  And what abot the children who grow up between life and death without any hope? Almost 400 children and 6 Bulgarians in Lybia live in hell right now! And who is responsible for that? I don’t know, but there are proofs that the Bg medics are INNOCENT They’re victims just like the diseased children. So many countries help those kids live normal lives with their AIDS, but what can we do to help the Bulgarians? Should we leave them in the hell? No matter whether Lybia would allow their transport to Bg we would never stop fitghting as we fought for their lives. Now we should fight for their souls, and we can’t just leave them there in the hell! Those who are responsible for the law hygiene in the hospitals in Lybia, should finally do something to at least support the innocent medics.

You know, I wanted to write a very sensfull post but so many emotions come to me right now that I don’t even think I wrote something sensfull. However one thing I’d like to say to all people in Lybia who liek to say “If Allah says so…” I’m not religous but I have met one very interesting statment on one painting that I saw on Discovery or History channel (I don’t remember) :  “HIS ARM GIVES EVERYONE WHAT THEY DESERVE!”

 

“Come on - eat your bread with pleasure and have fun while drinking your wine, because God has already accepted all of your deeds!”

I doveote this post to one of Paulo Coelho’s characters called Veronica, who discovered that life is a miracle!        

How do you imagine the life? I mean a good life. Do you imagine it to be boring, or do you imagine the wonderful life as somethin exciting? Look at these kids. Aren’t they pretty? Yes they are, because they are enjoying the rain with every part of their body, mind and soul. And what if these were your kids, what would you tell them? “Oh, come here, it’s raining, you can cath a cold, don’t do that!” Why???? Why don’t people say “Oohh, look - It’s raining! Lets go out!” Because they follow rules. All problems people have, come from their own dependance on thousands of rules and norms. You know what has a phylosopher said: “One can best find themselves when they find their own boundaries” If you think deeplier you would probably say this person was quite wise! Do you know who he is - Leopold Fon Zaher Mazoh! Now all the boundaries, fixed norms and prejudices come up to your mind and withouth thinking you say: “What?! Mazoh?!! That’s disgusting, he was mad!” Hmm… And what does it mean to be mad? We all say someone is mad when he looks strange in our eyes. Strange is a synonim of different. Oh, look how far we’ve got! We think that difference is a synonym of craziness! Shame on you!!   I would rather say - “Ne Varietatem Timeamus” (Do not fear the different) Maybe they wouldn’t be so crazy if you try to understand them. There is a difference between crazy and dangerous! How many times you have denied doing something just because it is not normal or unusual for you? Next time when it rains, go out in the street ?(without an umbrella or a raincoat!) and dance in the rain! Do you find it nice? Then why don’t you do that? Because it’s crazy? :)  Why don’t you buy one of those books with drawings that are waiting you to paint them? Oh, of course - that’s for kids, adults don’t paint, unless if their out of their mind Why don’t you throw yourself in the sea with all of your clothes?! You have no idea what fun it is!!! You see the sea, the beach, but your swim wear is in the suitcase, together with the sun cream, the towels and everything else. Your parents, or friends decide to go to the quarter, and prepare for the beach. Everything is always planned! But, oh, come on, look at the sea!!! It’s lovely, and it’s telling you to come! But only you can hear it because you’re crazy Then you start runing, you don’t listen to your parents(or friends) screaming after you, you just listen to the sea, that is greeting you, and the water. The water is so cold! You just throw yourself in the sea with all of your clothes and GOSH it’s  FANTASTIC! You realise you love being spontaneous, you like the sea, you like it now, not as you have planned when exactly to swim in it. You like swim in it when it calls you! It’s fantastic! Try it. Oh, of course, I forgot. Normal people don’t do that! Can you emagine how many moments there are that can make you appreciate life , that can make you find yourself in a harmony with everything, that you ignore just because they are not normal! I have recently read about some teens masturbating in class. Ok, you want to masturbate in class - do it!  Usually people put some emotions in their sexual activity and it is intimate, but if you feel you can’t bare the lack of orgasm neither a minute more, then do it! Be crazy, feel the moment, but to be free means not to harm the other people,don’t forget that! They believe it is not normal to masturbate in class However I suppose it’s a great fun and it’s deffinetely more interesting than some stupid lessons :)  After doing some “crazy” things you will always feel excited! You will always appreciate the moment! That’s the simple moments that show you life is wonderful!  And about the crazy people - if you say someone is crazy tha means ONLY that you can’t understand him! You should think about your being in a harmony with the world instead of judging the others! Calling someone crazy means that your world is too small for him. However there are so many things. Do you remember the song “Circle of life?”  - “More to see than can ever be seen, more to find than can ever be found, more to do than can ever be done!” Life is crazy! It loves the moment! Try to accept its crazyness, because those who do that live nice, no matter whether you understand them or not! :) 

 

Mercury & Venus - Viva Forever!

“WE ARE ALL ANGELS WITH ONLY ONE WING - IF WE HUG WE COULD FLY!”