Sooo lonely…

 

Lately I feel so lonely, that I just can’t find a way out of this black hole. I’ve been searching for love, and right after I’ve decided I finally found it, it just gets rid of me, it slippes through my fingers, and goes on without me! Just passing by to say “hi”… and that hurts. I always fall in love with some idiots who are searching for nothing serious, however one of the guys I’ve fallen in love with(as I now realise) has actually been the only one searching for a true relationship - my ex-boyfriend. I dissagree with his methods of giving some fresh air into a relationship, however the fact he wanted to do so is very interesting thing. Now after the consecutive dissapointment I sit here in my room, lonlier than ever, and I that the relationship with my ex, is actually the  strongest relationship I’ve ever experienced. You would probably ask what my problem is? I cannot fully trust people, I just can not let myself being loved, I just can not believe someone can really love me and be faithful to me, I don’t believe it any more. If love is such a great feeling that beats everything, where is that love? I have never seen it? I don’t know it! I’m searching for it, okay what was the saying “those who search find” , but I didn’t. I see many examples of couples who just get pissed off by each other after a while, and they’re unfaithful, guys are liers, they never say the truth and there’s no way to find out are they faithful to you or not. And do they really like me? Why? What do they like in me?  They never say anything specific, just they like me, “love is blind” , perhaps that’s why it can’t see my desperate efforts to find it. Perhaps I’ve overreacted to the need for love, perhaps I just don’t need it any more, however the more I think about it the lonlier I feel. I cannot even clearly express what exactly I feel, it’s just lonliness, and I feal existencial loneliness - it is such a kind of lonliness, in which a person feel they have lost some bond with the cosmos. I can just sing Linkin Park’s song Numb - “I’ve become so numb, I can’t feel you there” 

 

Informational flood?

 

Many people who want to be taken for very smart and wise say: “Knowledge hurts”. I wonder why. I have always believed knowledge is a power. There is a saying: “Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies even closer” The more you know about something or someone the better you know how to deal with it, how to win in a difficult situation, how to influence. That’s why knowledge is a power. But we’re all used to choosing what to know. If we don’t understand something, or if it seems to contradict to our point of view about the universe we just avoid it. That can be said abot our conceptions for everything. We could see only 40% of the sun’s radiation - the so called visible light. The other 60% are ultraviolet and infrared beams we don’t see. We don’t hear the infrasound and ultrasound. We don’t comprehend things that are beyond our senses… but they exist. We don’t even understand fully any relligion, the brain even has the ability to forget in order to save its functions. Perhaps the data that our brain stores is something so important that it should be stored very very carefully. We use only a small percent of our brains’ ability to store information, and even it is sometimes deleted in order to prevent some bad consequenses. But what would happen if we were forced to comprehend all of the data in the world? It is all a great web of concepts and the more we know the more we stick on this web untill our brain just refuses to work. Have you ever herad of a situation in which many surprizing facts come out and someone say “Wow, that was so spontanous I need some time to comprehend all this!”  So, do we live better as we don’t comprehend a great part of the world’s data or would we live better if we try to fully understand everything? In this point could we use the concept “informational flood”? How do you think? We live in the 21 century. The 20th century was the one of technologies, but the 21 century is the time of information, concepts, personality growing. A whole lot of writers describe unexplainable things, they write about very sophisticated matter trying to represent it in a simple way, many directors create films for the (scary?) future, philosophy becomes a greater science than ever, all kinds of stuff are trying to be understood, everyone tries to become wiser(all in their own way). They all take the beginning of a lifelong journey, a journey that would end when they understand everything that could be understood - never. “Informational flood” - that could be the new global problem of the 21st century society. And it’s just the beginning…

 

“Never try to determine what’s good and what’s bad, because as soon as you differ them, these both automatically replace!”

I devote this post to all girls who believe they love their boyfriend so deeply that they could bare anything, I dovete it to Lyd , with who we have recently discussed the need for surprizes in a relationship, and I also devote it to everyone who loves the film “White Oleander” or the flower appreciators.

How much do we need surprizes in a relationship? Can’t really say? Yeah, sure it’s a difficult question to answer, for it has two possible understandings - do we need bad surprizes or do we need good ones? Then many people would say they’d prefer the good surprizes. However those who are smart and like to use their brain(such as Lyd) would ask - What do you mean? What is a good surprize and what is a bad surprize? How can we differ them? Aren’t they the same - surprizes?!Good questions! Yeah, i agree with you, however I’m one of those who would not be able to answer this question at all! I have a tenet not to define what’s good and what’s bad. I have been persuaded in that principle during many many years while watching all kinds of people and situations one could meet. However once I broke that tenet, and that brought me a lot of unpleasant feelings!  I fall in love. You know what’ s the beginning like - flowers and fairy tales, everything’s perfect, a new harmony surrounds your heart, you feel useful and you find sense in everything you do, untill….

until you meet the reality! The reality is full of reasons, and acts followed by their consequenses. You should always be aware of anything, you should always use your brain and never allow the emotions and feelings lead you! The best relationships are based on a whole lot of efforts by the both mates, that’s true! And what about the surprizes? Two days ago, it was after our course, when my ex-boyfriend surprized me in a very unpleasant way. He was on a party, he was drunk, so he gave his mobile phone to some other drunks to shit whith me. However I’m not so blonde! It took me just 15 minutes to find out who are those drunks and who appears to have caused this. I put all of them four in their places and they didnt try to shit with me again! However the surprize was very unpleasant. I didn’t expect my ex-boyfriend to do such a thing, I believed he is a nice friend, I even was starting to sorry that I broke up with him. So such a bad surprize shows how I made a mistake while ignoring one of my own rules! How much do we need such surprizes? Do we need such bad surprizes at all?! And what about the good surprizes - do we need them? Can you generally say we need surprizes? Hmm, some may think I’m speaking like a relativist, but good and bad are always soo close to each other that as soon as you believe you have distinguished them, they replace right at the tmoment! I thought it is different with love, unfortunately it is not! You should accept the strong and the weak points of your mate, because they can mix anytime! Really, ANYTIME! You should be aware and thinking, not led by emotions and feelings. Try to follow this advice, and you’ll see how easier life could be!

 

What the bleep down the rabbit hole

This is a very confusing movie, because it cointains many ideas which are not constructed into a plan and presented with a relation between one another - it’s just that some people speak in a chaotic way. However these people are not so stupid, and if you put your mind into their words you can understand one or two ideas, which are actually very interesting…

One of this ideas is that everything in the Universe is related. This has been spoken for many years and many scientists(physicists and others) have been trying to prove that. It is starting to turn into a new religion. Why is everything in the Universe related? , well I’ll try to explain how I myself understand this concept. Everything you think leads to some specific action. Every action you take leads to some specific consequence. This consequence then is turning into a circumstance. When many people create different circumstances, a web of circumstances is created and we live in this web

For example You think you are very good at Mathematics. That leads to an action - you start studying that science. Then that leads to a circumstance - you go to an olympiad and beat someone who also believes is good at Maths. Then that leads the consequence - one of the two people either starts to believe he is not good enough and starts to study some other sciense, or he or she motivates and becomes a better matematician. These are two possible ways. So here is how one circumstance brings another two circumstances. Then they bring more and more circumstances after them, which are related and we all live in this web with the ability to ctahnge it. So in short - everything you think, you act, you believe is a part of this web we all live in This is how you are related to practically… everything

And how can we change this web of circumstances? Well every circumstance brings two or more others with it - you just have to deside which way to go and your desision is a part of this unity of everything This is how bad and good thoughts are realised Have you heard the saying “Life is just like a mirror - if you smile to it, it will smile to you too” - truly